LOW, grey skies and constant pissing rain, but can 2024 really compare to the f**king awful summers of England’s drenched past? We compare:
2024, the summer of suffering
Morale-boosting events like England in the Euros final and Liz Truss losing her seat have barely raised a glimmer of cheer against a background of cold, damp weather and jeans taking four days to dry. Alcohol abuse is no longer proving effective. To add insult to injury, Glastonbury was dry.
2007, the summer of Umbrella
The wettest summer since records began caused flooding across the country, and who was number one throughout? Some chick from Barbados dancing around singing about umbrellas. No doubt Rihanna had to have the concept explained to her beforehand.
1988, the Second Summer of Love
So named because enterprising Britain went on holiday to Ibiza and came back with a handful of pills that, incredibly, made you not give a shit about it pissing down. An E and house music in a disused warehouse with rain hammering on the roof and you were happy. Thatcher’s government immediately moved to stamp out this unlicensed joy.
1960, the summer of ‘bollocks to this’
A winter of rain and a deluge in summer acted like a bucket of cold water to post-war Britain’s face. The Beatles formed, Lady Chatterley’s Lover was allowed to keep the dirty bits and the whole country decided there must be more to life than catching drips in a bucket in your slum. All thanks to shitty weather.
1936, the summer of abdication
Constant horizontal rain covered the death of George V, the ascension of Edward VIII, his decision to marry a hot American divorcee and his subsequent abdication. Meanwhile, over in Europe, Hitler. Did miserable weather conditions delay Britain re-arming and cost millions of lives? Yes. Who can be bothered to start a war in thick drizzle?
1912, the summer of misery
Britain began the year with Captain Scott being beaten to the North Pole and ended it discovering his body. In between the Titanic sank, the monster of the Conservative and Unionist Party was formed, and it rained more than it has ever rained since. Our national character was formed here, and it is unfailingly morose.
