GREGG Wallace lit up our screens with his scowling, bullying demeanour but he can present no more. Who could ever hope to live up to him?
Jo Kramer, key grip: “Thankfully if there’s one resource this nation has in abundance, it’s celebrity chefs. Remember when we suddenly discovered we’d heard of Mary Berry all our lives when she was 75?”
Oliver O’Connor, vape retailer: “How about his best mate Greg James of Radio 1, who’s oddly avoided commenting on this scandal all week?”
Lucy Parry, nurse: “It needs to be an unpleasant bald man who hangs around the kitchen being unhelpful and making uncomfortable remarks. So basically any uncle.”
Wayne Hayes, parking attendant: “Got to be a Millwall fan. Without Gregg there’s no Millwall representation on telly. Me and the lads down the Den won’t feel seen.”
Susan Traherne, horologist: “Heston Blumenthal, but pumped right up on testosterone so he gets the red mist.”
