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We ask you: Does losing £2,683,345 make Andrew Tate even more tough and cool?

FORMER kickboxer and current slaphead Andrew Tate and brother Tristan have lost £2.6 million to Devon and Cornwall Police. Is it because he’s so manly? 

Joe Turner, climbing instructor: “I imagine he’ll take this news just like he took being sent to prison: by pretending it’s brilliant and he couldn’t be happier. I for one am fooled.”

Sophie Rodriguez, chiropodist: “His brother’s called Tristan? So they’re both desperately overcompensating. No, actually, I shouldn’t assume he doesn’t also have a micropenis.”

Jules Cook, financial vibes consultant: “Devon and Cornwall Police? Wow, talk about an embarrassing force to be taken down by in their break from policing cream tea disputes.”

Roy Hobbs, snooker ball polisher: “Does this mean he’s no longer the Top G? In that case, who’ll be Top G for Christmas? This is a genuine question, I can’t find the G rankings anywhere.”

Helen Archer, overlocker: “If you’re asking me for an opinion on Andrew Tate that doesn’t begin and end with ‘He’s a twat’ you’re asking too much.”

It’s normal to be outraged at being f**ked over even if warned, explain Waspi women

WOMEN cheated out of five years of retirement have patiently informed the government that even if they were told about it being pissed off is justified. 

Despite the parliamentary ombudsman’s ruling that 90 per cent of the women affected knew ‘these changes were coming’, Waspi protesters have confirmed losing five years of pension is an absolute bastard nonetheless.

Angry sign wielder Mary Fisher said: “It’s the law, not calling shotgun. Stating your bollocks intentions in advance doesn’t mean we have to be cool with piling into the metaphorical back seat.

“If I’d advised you in 2011 that I’d be punching you in the face in 2024, I’m guessing you’d still be aggrieved when the moment came to lamp you one. I’m not getting through to you, am I? I can demonstrate if you’d like?”

Fellow Waspi Susan Traherne said: “I’ve have to work six extra f**king years. I’m knackered. You’re not magically absolved by telling me I’d be shafted decades ago.

“I’m warning you, four years in advance, that I’d vote for a pig in a ruff rather than Labour. Wait for it. Trust me, it’ll hurt.”

Rachel Reeves said: “Look, we can’t compensate everyone the last few governments screwed over. You didn’t get sent to prison. That counts as relatively fortunate.”

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