Leonardo DiCaprio turns two Leonardo DiCaprio girlfriends years old

ACTOR Leonardo DiCaprio today celebrates reaching the age of two of his girlfriends’ upper age limit. 

DiCaprio has racked up so many years that one of his partners could be born, grow up, go through the education system, embark on a career, fall in love with him and be dumped by him twice over and still have a few months to spare.

Close friend Tobey Maguire said: “Scientists love to use silly analogies, like a football pitch the size of Wales, to get across the idea of big numbers. But this is an accurate and appropriate way of describing Leo’s big day.

“If you’re struggling to imagine 50, think of how old Bar Refaeli or Kelly Rohrbach were when Leo sadly had to move on from them, and put the pair together. Or you could mix and match them with Blake Lively or Nina Agdal. Have fun with it.

“Don’t forget you’re going by the dumping-age, not the when-they-first-started-dating-age. For example, Camila Morrone was only 20 when she started dating a 43-year-old DiCaprio. That’ll throw your calculations way off.

“Hard to believe that in just ten short years, he’ll be as old as three of her in her 2017 prime. It barely shows. There’s just something keeping him young.”

But DiCaprio disagreed: “I’m actually dating a 26-year-old supermodel for the first time in my adult life. It’s a sign of my maturity, as actor and man.”

"No-one suffers more from my commitment phobia than I do"

A COMMITMENT-PHOBIC man has explained the condition which has condemned him to a life of meaningless hook-ups and serial infidelity deserves nothing but sympathy. 

Tom Logan has explained to Sophie Rodriguez, who he has been dating for the last year, that he cannot help his genuine terror of commitment and that he is the real victim in this situation.

He said: “I struggle with the idea of a long-term, monogamous relationship – and, oh dear Lord, it is a struggle.

“I am powerless not to panic and push away any woman who suggests moving in, going exclusive or staying overnight after sex. It’s not me, you see, it’s my issues and they are beyond my control.

“Don’t you think I would love nothing more than to have a beautiful girlfriend who I didn’t cheat on? To look in her eyes knowing that I wasn’t sleeping with my ex, my other ex, and her best friend? Yet I never can.

“It is psychological torment to never be able to settle, to never face that which I desire and fear the most. The prospect of being stuck forever with one woman who ages while preventing me from shagging others terrifies me, for reasons I can’t quite pinpoint.

“And Sophie, if you truly love me, why would you want me to be scared?”