A BOOMING rental sector means that letting agents are set to topple estate agents as Britain’s leading parasitical scumbags for the first time since 2010.
The crown of Britain’s most despicable leeches was held by mobile phone contract salesmen for much of the 2010s before passing back to estate agents, but low housing sales mean letting agents are back on top.
Record numbers chasing a fixed address have no option but to place their slender hopes into the claws of rapacious letting agencies exploiting their new status as the dominant sub-species of grimy spiv.
Letting agent Stephen Malley said: “For decades estate agents have been hogging all the revilement and loathing while we were just vaguely grubby non-entities with cheap shoes and big bunches of keys.
“Well you’re not getting a mortgage now, you pathetic grubbing animals, and so we find ourselves bathed in the golden glow of our perfect moment.
“Kneel before our awesomely demanding application process, which requires references from two dead family members, the leader of a global religion and a kestrel.
“Soon we shall have the fanny-magnet sport hatchbacks and the offices full of see-through objects with Victoria Monét playing on an unusually-shaped Bluetooth speaker. Estate agents, for so long our masters, will be nothing.
“NOTHING!”
He added: “Our current properties include a one-bed in Stepney which smells of horses and a very tidy maisonette with no windows and the faint atmosphere of past tragedies.”
