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Britain Gets Up At 4am To Buy Record Amount Of Crap

MILLIONS of people got up in the middle of the night to buy vast amounts of shit they did not need yesterday, after stores told them it was now a bit cheaper.

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All Secrets To Be Written Down And Dumped In A Skip

THE innermost personal secrets of everyone in Britain are to be written down and then thrown into a big skip, the government said last night.

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