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Blockbuster blames plucky local film shop

CORPORATE entertainment behemoth Blockbuster has lost its 14-year battle with quirky local film shop ‘Cinephiles’.

Despite vast financial resources, Blockbuster found it could not match the tiny Bristol-based DVD rental shop’s range of art-house films.

Although Cinephiles only has one outlet, people travel from across the UK for its quirky vibe and rare foreign films about college professors going on picnics.

The final straw came when Cinephiles started selling delicious home-made cakes and coffee, sending Blockbuster plummeting into administration.

A Blockbuster spokesman said: “This little shop had been a thorn in our side since we started. God how we wanted to crush them.

“We thought we’d smash it with our mighty range of Adam Sandler titles, straight-to-DVD British gangster films and American ‘comedies with tits in’. Not to mention our tiny pots of ice cream.

“How wrong we were. In the end, the little guy won.”

Slightly overweight 36-year-old Julian Cook, who runs Cinephiles with an unconventionally attractive girl and a gay man with an Afro, said: “We may not have millionaire backers but we do know absolutely everything about Woody Allen and Pedro Almodovar.

“And that, ultimately, was what the British public wanted.”

 

 

M & M's World now a totalitarian state

THE chocolate citizens of M & M’s World are living under a brutal totalitarian regime, it has emerged.

M & M’s World in London’s Leicester Square began as a social experiment to give chocolate-covered sweets and peanuts self-determination.

Initially peanut M & M’s and normal M & M’s lived harmoniously, with small family groups farming several inches of land and occasionally meeting up for barn dances.

However a failed harvest caused many M & M’s to starve, and paved the way for a charismatic blue M & M known only as ‘He Who Never Melts’ to recruit a large peasant army.

M & M’s sociologist Tom Logan said: “The blue leader’s political party ‘Unity’ now controls all aspects of private and public life in M & M’s World and is ruthless in crushing dissent.

“Recently a small group of brown ‘worker’ M & M’s started an anti-state pamphlet called ‘Outside The Shell’.

“Red M & M secret police arrived at their tiny cellar base and took them off to a ‘chocolate correction centre’. They were never seen again.”

Mother-of-two Nikki Hollis took her family to M & M’s World: “I thought we’d just buy some sweets and maybe a pencil case, but it’s actually a thought-provoking and nightmarish vision of unbridled power that made my children sick with fear.”

 

 

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