THE BBC has announced it is choosing women for everything from now on because they mostly do not cause horrible sleazy scandals that take ages to sort out.
It has confirmed that Grace Dent will host MasterChef, Kelly Cates will present Match of the Day and Keely Hodgkinson is now Sports Personality of the Year because they are less likely to grope people and make weird sexual comments.
A BBC spokesperson said: “The fact that they’re a good fit for the job is a bonus. But the main reason is they’ll stop us getting dragged into deeply unpleasant allegations every two weeks.
“Men had their chance at high-profile media positions and they blew it with their pathetic lust. We’ll let the reputable ones like David Attenborough gradually die out with dignity, but from then on it’s women all the way.
“Think about it – when did you last hear of a woman doing anything wrong? Sure, you get the odd Christine Keeler making the headlines and an occasional reality TV racist, but everyone loves them in the end. People even come to the defence of your Lucy Letby types.
“Scream ‘woke’ and threaten us with defunding all you want. We’re just trying to make the entertainment landscape a less horrible place, and calm, mature, professional women who aren’t paedos is how we’ll do it.
“Besides, what are you going to do, only watch ITV instead? I’d like to see you try.”
