BRITONS are demanding an investigation into why the Britain’s Got Talent protestor didn’t bring a harpoon gun instead of eggs.
30-year-old violinist Natalie Holt smuggled Marks & Spencer eggs onto the BGT stage and pelted Simon Cowell.
But Britons have been left wondering why she wasn’t properly prepared, perhaps with a harpoon gun or Zulu thrusting spear.
Plumber Wayne Hayes said: “What if she’d been carrying some kind of spearing device – which she could easily have fitted into a large violin case.
“Cowell would have been skewered to his chair while Les Dennis’s ex-wife mouthed the word ‘fuck’ and a crimson-drenched PJ and Duncan mumbled something about an ad break.
“That would have been a truly memorable Saturday night’s entertainment, certainly more up my street than silhouette dancing.
“These protestors really need to get their shit together.”
However a Britain’s Got Talent source confirmed that David Walliams is contractually obliged to hurl himself between Cowell and any potential assassin.
The source said: “In the event of a weapon being pulled, Walliams is to leap across the desk and shield Cowell with his large body.
“David has prepared for his moment of sacrifice with pre-scripted dying innuendos like ‘He just whipped it out and it went off…’ and ‘That man’s put a hard thing in me and it hurts.'”
