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Twat looking for new series he can feel superior about not watching

AS Game Of Thrones concludes, a man is seeking out another TV show he can ostentatiously make a point of not watching.

Nathan Muir has been announcing he has no interest in the show on an almost daily basis on Twitter, while providing a detailed critique of what he imagines it to be.

Muir said: “I didn’t insult my brain by tuning in, of course, but from what I understand it’s for people with no taste who collect metal dwarves and can’t cope with real life.

“Who will win? The dragons or the goblins? Who cares? Not me. But now I need another series I can tell everyone I don’t watch to prove how fascinating I am.

“Hopefully they’ll make one about zombies so I can drone on about the TV industry’s creative bankruptcy. I’ll be careful not to watch an episode properly in case it’s good and I like it.

“Ideally I’d like one with Olivia Colman investigating murders. That’s the sort of popular thing that really confirms how superior I am to all the bovine sofa-dwelling morons.

“All these things seem to involve sex, don’t they? Everyone seems to be having a lot of it, even the goblins on Game Of Thrones.

“Well not me, that’s for sure.”

Kate wears ordinary dress that cost two grand

THE UK has apparently gone wild for a perfectly ordinary, boring dress worn by the Duchess of Cambridge that cost almost two fucking grand.

The garment, which you would flip past on the rack at a charity shop with a shudder, did not even look that good on Kate and, just to be clear, cost the best part of two thousand quid.

Donna Sheridan of Guildford said: “£1,750 to look like an Edwardian maid on her Sunday trip to church? Too right I’m going wild, but more in a sort of ‘Oh fuck right off’ way.

“From the prim little collar to the polka-dotted sweep of excruciating dullness, this dress is truly remarkable and what’s remarkable about it is the fucking cost.

“It’s the price of a decent used car just to dress as an evil nanny doing her best to look innocent at the beginning of a horror film before she starts murdering people.”

Fashion expert Helen Archer said: “Sadly, this dress is already sold out across the country to frosty women who want it absolutely clear that they will suffer sex for conception only.

“And they also have to have two grand spare. Two fucking grand.”

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