MEN are more discerning filmgoers than women, demanding only the most thought-provoking explosions and car chases. Here are the definitely-not-predictable ways Hollywood thinks it can grab you.
Superhero
Fine for adults as superhero movies now are grittier and darker. Literally. Sometimes you can’t see a f**cking thing. But you can hear about how Superman ‘can’t save everyone’. Luckily there’s still Gal Gadot looking nice if you didn’t pay 14 quid for a lesson in basic moral philosophy.
Guns
From hitmen to sci-fi, guns films come in many different flavours. But all are extremely realistic. Bullets can be flying everywhere, but the hero is thankfully safe due to crouching behind a wooden crate and wearing effective plot armour. Will he survive to win the love of Lady in Tight Vest, or will a stray .45 calibre round cut him in half like in real life? Who knows? It’s so exciting.
World War 2
Not to be confused with guns, World War 2 lets you learn about history, although films like Fury suggest historical accuracy has dropped somewhat since epics like A Bridge Too Far. Still, it’s an important topic. The Nazis did some terrible things we must never forget, like trying to hang Indiana Jones because he’d got the time-travel dial of Archimedes.
Shouting
Often the result of a 40-something’s bid for the Best Actor Oscar – and his chances go up with every banged table, thrown glass and fleck of spit hurtling toward his co-stars. Or sometimes it’s the result of a film being heavily action-oriented, so every line of dialogue is ‘Get down!’, ‘Three minutes and the whole place blows!’ and ‘Drive!’. Gripping.
Subtitles
You might not be a stereotypical man. You might be an individual, as proven by your tote bag and painted fingernails all the other individuals have. Try a subtitles film. Chinese villagers worrying about their goat is really interesting, honestly. Also quite a few are just eyeball-ripping horror films, but they’re artistic because they’re in Dutch.
Quentin Tarantino
Whatever he shits out next. Sometimes he doesn’t even bother making a proper movie, just copies bits of Bruce Lee films and 70s exploitation toss. He’s a genius.
