HORRIBLE people have criticised Sophie Ellis-Bextor’s New Year’s Eve BBC show. However the singer feels it was a performance worthy of any pub karaoke night. Here are her tips.
Wear something glamorous
Karaoke is a great opportunity to get some wear out of a sexy dress or a sequinned top you bought for parties. More importantly, as I learned from my New Year special, it really distracts people from your singing because they’re brain-dead sheep content to stare vacantly at a pretty lady in a sparkly dress. Thank f**k for that.
Try to keep up with the music
Pro tip: sing the words at the point where they’re meant to be in the song. There’s no law that says you have to, but generally audiences prefer it when the lyrics come where they expect them. During my show I just gabbled the words breathlessly if I got behind. It’s unlikely anyone noticed on today’s massive TVs with crystal-clear speakers.
Stick to the low-hanging fruit
No one wants to hear you tackling All Saints harmonies and f**king them up, so do the stompers everyone knows, as I did with Yes Sir, I Can Boogie. Other recommended karaoke tunes are We Will Rock You by Queen, which you can just shout, and, for a duet, You’re the One That I Want. No matter how bad the performance, listeners will be lost in a mental thicket of scenes from Grease, whether Olivia Newton-John actually looked better in a nice skirt, and bits of Battlefield Earth.
Leg kicks are excellent
Karaoke is a visual as well as auditory medium, and putting on a bit of a show will delight any audience. Obviously it helps if you’ve got long, perfectly-formed legs like me, but I think most musicians will agree that nothing improves a song like a series of strange, half-arsed kicks and twirls that make you out of breath and forget to sing the words.
Avoid overtly sexual songs
However dolled-up and attractive you feel due to alcohol, resist the temptation to have a crack at Do You Think I’m Sexy, Push It or I Touch Myself. As a former model I’ve got a bit more leeway here, but do factor in personal attractiveness and avoid doing Touch Me by Sam Fox if the listener’s instinctive response is going to be ‘No fear!’ or a wave of nausea.
Do a duet
Karaoke veterans know a more-talented friend can carry a song and make you look better. Luckily I was able to get him off Scissor Sisters and BRIT Awards-nominated singer-songwriter Jessie Ware. If you’re stuck with your tone-deaf, shitfaced mate Clare you’re both going to look like twats as you murder Up Where We Belong with a rendition so horrific it would be a legitimate legal defence for a revenge killing by Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes.
Be a dads’ favourite
What really makes a difference to how your performance is received is whether every dad in Britain totally fancies you. I am lucky enough for this to be the case, possibly boosted by them also fancying my mum Janet Ellis, which is weird but okay. Frankly I could have done an out-of-tune version of Star Trekkin’ by The Firm and they’d still be defending me on Twitter as if I was their girlfriend. Or daughter.
