THE Netflix drama Adolescence has resulted in parents being bombarded with warnings about online misogyny. Here’s how to massively overreact because you saw something on the telly.
Learn to spot signs of toxic masculinity
Playing violent computer games, listening to rap music and looking at porn are all red flags which prove your teenage son is a ticking timebomb of masculine violence. Call 999 and tell them you’ve ‘got an incel murder boy like the one on the telly’, then barricade him in his room until armed police arrive. It’s what any responsible parent would do.
Tell him you won’t judge him for planning a murder
Your son should feel he can talk to you about anything, so ask him which girl at school he’s intending to murder. If he looks confused – and possibly terrified – it’s to put you off the scent while he rethinks his plans now you’re onto him. Of course, it’s possible he might not be planning a murder, and may despise you for the rest of his life for being impressionable idiots, but it’s worth it to feel like you’re part of an exciting, zeitgeisty murder case.
Address his incel views
Tell your son you completely understand why he’s been sucked in by incel ideology, due to him being a weird-looking spotty bastard who’s unlikely to ever lose his virginity because girls find him laughably unattractive. A sympathetic early intervention like this is sure to prevent him developing unhealthy attitudes to sex and women.
Check his browsing history
Your son is undoubtedly being ‘groomed’ by misogynists on various sites and chatrooms in the ‘manosphere’, so go through his browsing history with a fine-toothed comb. Set plenty of time aside for this, because, if his homework is anything to go by, the lazy little shit won’t have deleted anything and it’ll take f**king forever to scroll through all the porn links. Also, concerned male parents may wish to study harmful material in more depth.
Show him positive images of women
Like adding alkali to acid, sexist online hate can be neutralised with positive female role models, probably. Arrange a video marathon consisting of Captain Marvel, The Marvels and Madame Web, then continue the next day with all the Charlie’s Angels films and Barbie. By the time you’re halfway through Spice World with nine hours of Rey Skywalker still to go, your son will be recanting his misogynist views and begging you to make it stop.
Confront his hero-worship of Andrew Tate
Your son will be a devoted follower of Andrew Tate, and you need to remove this harmful influence. Luckily this is pretty easy because simply watching any video of Tate instantly reveals him to be a massive twat with a really annoying voice and a penchant for showing off his pecs in a smoking jacket like a gay Hugh Hefner with alopecia. Casually muttering ‘Jeez, what a wanker’ should be enough to break the spell.
Watch Adolescence with him
What better way to address the issues raised by Adolescence than watching it together? Make sure your son gets the message by saying things like ‘What kind of monster would do that to an innocent young girl with her whole life ahead her?’ then both staring at him accusingly. It might seem like questionable parenting to assume your son is a sick, woman-hating killer, but he’ll thank you for it when he’s not getting slashed up in nonce prison. Tell him that.
