A WOMAN who settled for a dullard she constantly moans about still looks down on a friend for remaining single, it has emerged.
Susan Traherne pities Helen Archer for not having a partner despite frequently disparaging her own husband Martin, most recently stating that he was ‘below average in every respect, from intelligence to penis size’.
Traherne said: “Poor Helen. She lives alone and has nobody, aside from a gregarious group of other single friends.
“She must hate rattling about in all that space, with none of her living room being taken up by a three-metre square model railway. And I just can’t imagine having no one to awkwardly sit in silence for hours with.
“What’s going to happen when she gets older? She says she’ll downsize, retire early and piss off abroad to meet a hot young gigolo. It sounds very lonely to me, unlike being trapped in a stale marriage with a monosyllabic man for the last 30 years of my life.
“Martin hasn’t got much going for him but at least I’ve got a ring on my finger and somebody to take the bins out. That’s what’s important, isn’t it? Please say it is.”
Archer said: “I’d try and convince Susan there’s more to life than being married, but I’m too busy going on holiday at the drop of a hat and experimenting with polyamory. Still, she’s got Martin to not talk to.”
