PUNK is recognised as one of the most seminal musical movements of all time by the wankers directly involved. Here’s why it was crap:
The music
It was revolutionary that none of the bands could play their instruments or gave a f**k about their lack of talent. Exciting on paper, excruciatingly awful when at an actual gig. No wonder the audience pogoed, spat on the band and sniffed glue.
The fans
Punks were violent, dirty and gratuitously offensive, and that attracts a certain type. The type for whom punching a dozen people in the face is a good night out and if it requires a green mohawk, fine. All fun and games until you’re thrown through a glass door at a Members gig.
The fashion
For a movement centred around a boyband put together by a London boutique, everyone looked f**king awful. Binbags and pissed jeans are unflattering on anybody. And Nazi armbands? In 1976? Grow up. There were topless punk models but they were arty and taboo-breaking. Though still topless.
The cultural impact
Nobody was into punk. Britain was bang into disco and prog rock and Barbra Streisand ballads from films. Punk was no bigger than UK garage, but a load of writers bigged it up endlessly. Even then Rod Stewart’s Sailing beat God Save The Queen to number one.
The legacy
The radical punk lifestyle was a searing critique of ’70s Britain, following which Thatcher was elected and held office for 11 years. There was barely a punk song in the charts after 1980. 15 years later Green Day’s wildly successful pop-punk about turds was representing the genre on the world stage. Ever get the feeling you’ve been cheated?
