Phil Rudd latest victim of anti-drummer conspiracy, say drummers

AC/DC drummer Phil Rudd has been targeted by an international conspiracy to discredit drummers, it has been claimed.

Rudd has been charged with hiring a hitman in New Zealand, in what drummers have claimed is a ‘classic, anti-drummer stitch-up’.

Drummer Mick Johnson said: “They use all kinds of tactics. They even started a rumour that all drummers have the same dad and that we’re called Mick, Phil or Roger.

“If that was true, then what about Ringo? He was a drummer.

“Yes he was.”

Drummer Mick Logan, added: “They hate us because we are free. We are the wild ones. We are Animal.”

Meanwhile, the drummers have pledged to hit back with a five-man, all-drummer super-group consisting of Mick Fleetwood, Phil Collins, Phil Taylor from Motorhead, Roger Taylor from Queen and Roger Taylor from Duran Duran.

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John Lewis advert ‘condones penguin sex trafficking’

THE John Lewis Christmas advert has been condemned for promoting the trade in penguin sex slaves.

The commercial tells the story of a boy whose pet penguin is lonely, so he buys it a lady penguin to fuck.

Avian rights campaigner Mary Fisher said: “The female penguin even arrives, dazed and probably still drugged, in a gift-wrapped box.

“‘’Monty’ the horny male runs straight at her, she pretends to be into it but only because the kid has told her that if she doesn’t play ball he’ll feed her to next door’s German shepherd.

“You can tell from his expression that Monty is evil. God knows what that beady-eyed waddling pervert has in store for her.

“Female penguins should be allowed to have their own hopes and dreams. Boycott John Lewis.”

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