Noah 'won respect of animals by fighting them'

BIBLICAL hero Noah fought all the animals on the ark to prove his dominance, according to the producers of a new Russell Crowe film.

Noah depicts the boat-builder having fist fights with increasingly large beast as they challenge him for the role of ‘pack leader’.

Producer Tom Logan said: “For me, the story of Noah’s ark is about what happens when a bunch of tough-talking, blue collar creatures spend 24 hours a day cooped up on a ship.

“Obviously tensions are going to flare, and they’re going to settle their differences the only way they know how – with their fists. Or rather their clenched paws.

“They didn’t write about it in the Bible because of censorship but it’s obvious that would happen. I mean, have you ever tried taking a cat on holiday? It’s a nightmare.”

Anglican bishop Roy Hobbs said: “There is also no mention of the ark having a bar where animals traded macho banter about their sexual conquests.

“Also, Noah was 600 years old when the floodwaters came. It’s highly unlikely a man of that age could take on a mountain lion, a horse and a gnu simultaneously without being seriously mauled or killed.

“Frankly I doubt it’s even possible to knock out an elephant with a flying roundhouse kick.”

Film critic Donna Sheridan said: “Discussing realism in a film about Noah’s ark is pointless in the extreme. But I did feel the scene where Noah pretends to let a wise-cracking chinchilla win a fight went too far.”