MUSIC history is littered with performers hailed as groundbreaking legends. Here are some you’ll get abuse for if you so much as hint they’re not musical geniuses.
The Clash
Punk visionaries or a bit of a pub band? Some weird, meaningless lyrics – how exactly does one go about ‘rocking’ a North African citadel? – and a lot of ultra-simple tunes. Still, at least they’re easy to play, although with ‘Should I Stay or Should I Go?’ you may not want to.
Kate Bush
Nothing screams ‘pretentious, arty 6th form drama student’ more than devoting a song to the plot of an Emily Bronte novel while performing a painfully silly dance. The queen of the ear-crippling caterwaul, Kate had the chance to tell Peter Gabriel to stop whining on ‘Don’t Give Up’ but instead chose to join in.
The Stone Roses
Having a singer who can’t hit a single f**king note is usually a drawback for a band, but it didn’t trouble the Roses. Pity the sound engineers who had to sit through Ian Brown’s haplessly tuneless vocals night after night. Also think back to the up-our-own-arses outro to ‘Fool’s Gold’ which went on longer and more unpleasantly than a tantric shag with Sting.
Genesis
Possibly okay during the Peter Gabriel years so long as you were a stoned art student with a silly wispy beard. But when bland professional Cockney Phil Collins took over, even that last vestige of respectability evaporated. ‘I Can’t Dance’ should have been called ‘I Can’t Write A Song That Isn’t Hopelessly Naff’. Your mum probably likes them too.
Bruce Springsteen
Controversial choice but worthy of inclusion just for that godawful rendition of ‘Santa Claus Is Coming To Town’. No one has ever been able to decipher what ‘Dancing In The Dark’ is about, although apparently ‘this gun’s for hire’. We do know unequivocally where Bruce was born, so at least that’s cleared up.
Jethro Tull
Naming yourself after an 18th century agriculturalist who invented something as boring as the seed drill should be a red flag right from the start. Having a frontman who can play the flute while standing on one leg might have been deemed novel and entertaining from a jester in a medieval court, but that’s probably where it needs to stay.
