A NIGHT of stand-up comedy was vastly inferior to the witty and hilarious heckles from a drunk audience member, according to that person.
Wayne Hayes – who suffers from an extreme lack of self-awareness – wandered into the comedy night after five beers. While the audience appeared to be enjoying the professional, rehearsed sets, Hayes knew they secretly wanted something more.
Hayes said: “I warmed them up with some classic gags. When the first comedian asked if anyone else was in from Jamaica, I said yes. I’m not, but it’s funny because it’s so random, yeah?
“Then I kicked things up a gear. If they asked a rhetorical question I’d have an answer ready for them. Something properly edgy, like ‘paedos’ or ‘your mum’. Then I hit them with my topical material – Brexit, Bill Cosby, Crossroads.
“The stand-ups blanked me because they wished they’d come up with my zingers. Even the audience stayed silent because they didn’t want to embarrass them.
“When a lady stand-up came on I did some absolutely side-splitting stuff about her regional accent and low-cut top. It was so good I went to grab the mic so everyone could hear it more clearly.
“For some reason she told me to f**k off at that point. Probably jealousy, because I could easily be a brilliant stand-up. I’d give it a go, but my material’s probably too good for comedy clubs and TV.”
