YOUNG people who never flicked through Jilly Cooper books for the dirty bits are entirely uninterested in their screen adaptation, they have confirmed.
Generations who grew up without needing to go through their mum’s bookshelf for erotic stimulation have no interest in watching an eight-hour TV version of Rivals, even if it does star a former Doctor Who and the girl from The Inbetweeners.
Hannah Tomlinson, aged 21, said: “I get it. You didn’t have the internet. Finding self-abuse material was like panning for gold.
“Consequently you’re nostalgic for the books which contained precious dirty bits and those lost-innocence summers strumming away to the literary works of Jilly Cooper, Shirley Conran or in extreme cases Pat Booth.
“But, and here’s the important bit, we’re not. Anyone who turned 16 later than 1994 had better wanking material. We couldn’t give a f**k for your tame little bonkbusters with their ratio of 50 boring pages per one shag scene.
“We’ll be just as uninterested when the 00s generation rises to media seniority and commissions a lavish ten-part adaptation of Nuts magazine.”
TV producer Helen Archer, aged 49, said: “If there’s a better ideas than spending tens of millions on my fond memories of teenage wanks, it’s not been pitched to me.”
