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Fifty Shades of Grey sparks trend for being blindfolded in the cinema

PEOPLE being dragged to see Fifty Shades of Grey are wearing blindfolds so that they can sleep.

31-year-old Tom Booker, whose wife likes the books, said: “This blindfold is really spicing up being made to sit through this tepid wish-fulfilment tripe.

“I can have a nice nap, having asked her to wake me for the nudity.”

26-year-old Mary Fisher said: “I’m being made to go by a friend who is obsessed with the wholly fictional idea of a man who is both rich and physically attractive.

“Luckily I can use this sleek satin blindfold to avoid seeing either the screen or her getting a bit turned on.”

A vote for Reform 'is a vote for Labour is a vote for the SNP is a vote for the Lib Dems'

VOTERS have demanded clarification after being told that whoever they vote for they are actually voting for someone else. 

As every party warns that voting for anyone but them will let another party in by the back door, bewildered voters are struggling to find a way to turn their vote into anything but another disaster. 

Tom Logan of Dundee said: “I was going to vote SNP, but apparently that’s a vote for the Tories and if they win then they’ll be puppets dancing on Reform’s strings, so that’s out. 

“So I thought I’d vote Green, but that weakens the Labour vote, making it more like the Lib Dems will get in in my constituency, who might form a coalition with the Conservatives if it came down to it. We’ve been there before.

“Then I was told that if I vote Reform, the Tories will lose and Labour will get in with no choice but to follow the SNP’s agenda in some key areas, which is what I originally wanted. 

“But I can’t shake this nagging suspicion that if I vote Reform, I might actually end up voting Reform.”

Pollster Roy Hobbs said: “That’s the beauty of the first-past-the-post system. It’s so straightforward.”

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