COUNTLESS cinematic classics in which children roamed magical worlds with fantastic companions only happened because parents were lax and lazy. Each of these is a tale of neglect:
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, 1982
Poor Mary Taylor is doing her best as a single mother of three, a number of children that apparently distracts you from a turd-headed alien living in the closet. Before long her son’s progressed to riding a flying bike. This is why parents should talk to children about drug use.
Twilight, 2008
Strict parents judging their daughter’s potential boyfriends are the worst. Until you see this film, where the 17-year-old daughter is seduced into a vampire cult by a much, much older man, and realise they have a point.
Mamma Mia, 2008
No need to shame Meryl for her summer of unprotected shagging. There is a need to shame her for her flat refusal to open a dialogue with her daughter about it, to the extent that the poor girl resorts to inviting three possible dads to her wedding. That dysfunction stems from unresolved trauma, and ABBA songs.
Batman Begins, 2005
All that wealth, and the Wayne’s didn’t bother to hire bodyguards? Or come up with a better plan for their bereavement than ‘I dunno, could the butler raise him? You know, the ex-SAS one who killed 12 men in Belfast?’
Jurassic Park, 1990
As a child, it was tough to even negotiate permission for a sleepover. How exactly did Lex and Tim persuade their parents to let them go to their grandfather’s experimental dinosaur island, chaperoned only by horny palaeontologists? Mum and dad must really have needed that spa break.
Stuart Little, 1999
Granted, the talking mouse was very charming. But perhaps the exorbitantly wealthy Mr and Mrs Little could have considered whether their son was ready for him as a brother. After the movies comes decades of therapy for George, unable to understand why they classed him with vermin.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, 1974
Allowing a carload of teens to drive across rural Texas alone is reckless parenting. Contrast that against Leatherface and his brothers, who care for their Grandpa by allowing him to lick fresh human blood. Now there’s a family who take the time for each other.
