IF we’re brutally honest, Bob Dylan is just an old bloke who sings horribly nasal songs, but don’t tell his fans that. Here are some artists who seem to turn followers into weird obsessives.
Bob Dylan
Fair enough, Dylan was probably quite exciting in the 60s, but that was a lifetime ago and his fans are still acting like he’s the second coming of Jesus. He might have a nice turn of phrase, but he’s hardly Shakespeare, and anyway it’s all delivered with that annoying nasal whine. If you want to upset his fans, tell them you think he’s way overrated. They will almost have an aneurysm trying to convince you otherwise.
Insane Clown Posse
Fans of Insane Clown Posse are known as Juggalos (or Juggalettes) and have their own subculture and slang, and even their own festival, called The Gathering. And while being a Juggalo seems to involve expressing an enthusiasm for murder with a bladed weapon, they also support several charities, which suggests they aren’t as bad as they make out. But still a bit mental for being so weirdly devoted to a pair of rapping clowns.
Joy Division
Perhaps it’s because Joy Division were only going for two years before Ian Curtis’ death that their fans are so desperate to get their hands on anything and everything to do with them. Joy Division are one of the most bootlegged bands in the world, with people gagging to listen to tinny recordings from shit venues, and someone even stole Curtis’ memorial stone from a graveyard. You’re pretty if weird if stealing a stranger’s gravestone to cherish in your bedroom doesn’t give you at least a slight feeling of ‘Is this normal?’
Take That
Despite shedding their two best-looking members and now just being a trio of lined-faced, rapidly ageing tax dodgers, Take That still retain their legions of loyal fans from 30 years ago. It seems likely those fans are more interested in resurrecting the joyful abandon and surging hormones of their youth than listening to whatever dirge Gary Barlow has recently cranked out, but that doesn’t make them any less keen to scream like unhinged teenagers at their concerts.
The Beatles
It was bad enough when girls were sobbing and fainting at their concerts but got much darker when Charles Manson was inspired by Helter Skelter to commit murder, although at least someone appreciated Paul’s attempt to out-rock The Who. And of course Mark Chapman was so obsessed with John Lennon he decided to assassinate him. Were they worth all the madness? After recalling Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da, the answer is an emphatic ‘no’.
Taylor Swift
No discussion of weird fans would be complete without Taylor. Looking at it objectively it’s puzzling why so many people are so deeply obsessed with this slightly bland pop star. But it’s best not to ask too many questions of Swifties or they will threaten to kill you. Although maybe we’ll be glad of these ultra-loyal nutjobs come November when they help keep Trump out of the White House. They’re probably preparing a violent insurrection of their own if Taylor’s choice doesn’t win.
