BBC claims real 'Strictly curse' is being unable to stop making it

THE BBC has claimed the real ‘Strictly curse’ is not cheating partners but being unable to cancel the shit-yet-popular show.

A BBC spokesman said: “We’ve tried to get rid of it but it keeps appearing on the channel like some televisual spectre of 1983.

“It takes up so much electricity, wrecks relationships, empowers bullies with European accents and gives those oddballs on the judging panel a career when they should be running a chain of nursing homes in Shropshire.

“We desperately want to dump Strictly and bring back Rentaghost, but the problem is you fuckers keep watching it.

“Have you seen what’s on ITV at the same time? It’s probably a celebrity edition of a daytime gameshow or Brian Conley reuniting long-lost relatives. For Christ’s sake point your eyeballs at that instead.”

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The reactionary bastard's guide to watching TV

ARE you a bigoted TV viewer outraged by the slightest hint of multiculturalism? Follow our guide to watching television without losing your shit.

Watch 1970s sitcoms

70s sitcoms are perfect reactionary viewing because women are either domestic battle-axes or dolly birds being ogled by dirty old men, which is clearly how society should be.

Racism is also popular, so you can laugh heartily as characters worry about their Jamaican neighbour “coming after me with his spear”.

Tune into the shopping channels

These have no agenda other than to sell you tat. No one will force liberal or progressive views on you, although you will probably spend £500 on polyester ‘fashion jackets’ and kitchen gadgets called things like ‘Potato Chimp’.

Look out for old WW2 films

If you don’t like foreigners, what better than to watch them bombed, drowned, shot, shelled and bayoneted by plucky Brits? And if you just want to enjoy some mildly xenophobic rustic scenes there are home front dramas with titles like They Served with Gratitude.

Avoid Doctor Who

You are bound to be triggered by Doctor Who’s slight obsession with diversity, so check when it’s on and have a Carry On film ready to watch instead, ideally one with Sid James leering over an aerobics class.

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