MORNING! Oh God, what did you do? How did unwinding with three bottles of wine lead to this? What is your pickled brain claiming happened and did it?
Started a fight with a bouncer
The ‘bouncer’ in question was a wheelie bin. It took no offence to your proclamations of it being a twat, which only seemed to inflame you more. Though you calmed down very quickly when you took a breather on a bench. In fact you slept, callously, while the bin lay wounded on one side.
Tried to seduce your mate’s girlfriend
This may have been what you thought you were doing. All anyone saw was you tell her that her hair ‘looked nice like a sunshine’ then pass out using her coat as a pillow. Occasionally your nose twitched adorably, like a rabbit’s.
Endangered yourself
Your brief stint in a shopping trolley wasn’t the safest mode of travel, but it was hardly a drunk driving rampage. Especially as the bloke pushing you got bored after 15 feet and you only realised when you woke up 30 minutes later.
Talked too much
No, due to spending the bulk of the night unconscious.
Made a tit of yourself in a way that will never, ever be forgotten
Your behaviour was likely tit-adjacent, but nobody cares or remembers, apart from the respect you get for a 20-minute snooze by the dancefloor at Popworld. Your mates are all busy cringingly combing through their own hazy memories of flashing a boob at an Uber.
Spent shitloads
This happened. Somewhere between naps you whipped out your debit card, bought sambuca shots and a round of some cocktail with a f**king sparkler in. This cost a week’s shopping budget, and not from Aldi.
