THE UK is excitedly counting down the hours, minutes and seconds until Dry January can begin, it has emerged.
The annual month-long period of self-imposed sobriety which traditionally starts the year is eagerly awaited by Britons tired of endless expresso martinis and dead-eyed trudges to the pub.
Martin Bishop of Woking said: “God I can’t wait. Four weeks of delightful clear-headed sobriety starts at midnight. I’ll get so much done!
“The last few months have been a miserable parade of pissed-up merriment. My birthday, Halloween, the trip to Munich with the lads, my parents’ silver wedding, every weekend from Thursday to Sunday. It’ll be good to put all that to rest.
“After tonight, when I’ll obviously be drinking from 4pm, I’ll be more than ready for a month of arbitrary abstinence, dark nights, dark mornings, cold and wet. I expect it’ll pass in no time, especially the evenings. Midnight can’t come fast enough.”
Mary Fisher from Nottingham said: “Dry January not only saves me money, it also gives me a smug glow of superiority. And it’s the month when I get the most value out of my gym membership with upwards of seven visits.
“Altogether now… Ten! Nine! Eight!”
