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BBC Four to show Norwegian Crimewatch

Show consists of bleak reconstructions, emotionally detached detectives solving crimes at great personal cost, 15-minute long intervals of meditative silence and phone number at bottom of screen.

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Cameron and Salmond unveil independence double-bluff masterpiece

Standing ovation as Cameron alienates Scots by dictating terms of referendum, Salmond pretends he is angry about it and Cameron pretends he would hate having a permanent majority in an English parliament.

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