Agony Aunt
Dear Holly, My girlfriend of several years keeps pestering me to make things official and marry her. Although I'm not wholly opposed to the idea, I am slightly worried that marriage could ruin our relationship completely. I've seen it happen too many times to other people: as soon as you put a ring on her finger it's like a man-trap snapping shut on your leg...
Dear Holly, The other day, my girlfriend was trying on an outfit and she asked my opinion. I said that she looked nice, at which point she got all uppity and said she didn't believe me and she wished that I would just be honest with her for once. So I told her the truth: that she looked like Les Dawson in a boob tube...
Dear Holly, I'm 29 and still a virgin. It's not through lack of trying - I'd dearly love to get my kicks from something more interactive than a poster of Hugh Grant and an Oral-B 500...
Dear Holly, I'm a manager, but my staff don't respect me at all, and are constantly making me the butt of their jokes. At first I just ignored them, but over the last few weeks it has got worse. I constantly find post-it-notes saying things like 'twatmuppet' and 'knob-gobbler' stuck to my back...
Dear Holly, I consider myself to be a vaguely attractive gentleman, not completely abhorrent to women, and yet I never seem to have much luck in getting one to intercourse me...
Dear Holly, I'm starting to think I might have a bit of a drug problem, but I don't know how to deal with it. Personally, I see nothing wrong with taking four enormous lines of coke, a couple of pills and 15 mohitos, and then dancing in a neon vest and shorts for 12 hours solid to The Pet Shop Boys...
Dear Holly, Although I'm great at my job, my boss is always favouring other staff and passing me over for promotion. Short of oral, I don't really know what I'm supposed to do to get ahead.
Dear Holly, My new boyfriend is really sweet and fun and attractive. The problem is that he’s got a tiny penis, and I can't help being slightly repulsed by its meagre dimensions...
Dear Holly, I'm a 30 year-old man and I think I'm in love with the woman next door, who happens to be nearly 45 years older than me. Although she looks vaguely like an elephant's scrotum I become aroused every time she puts out the milk bottles...
Dear Holly,I am really worried about my youngest son. He's only 15 but I think him and his friends might be drinking alcohol and smoking wacky cigarettes. He used to be such a darling boy, who took a keen interest in sport, as well as being a popular and active younger member of our church...