Agony Aunt

AS president of the unofficial Taylor Swift fan club, I have taken an official oath to always despise One Direction.

THEY hate me because I win all the awards for being a mad mental left winger.

WE did the planets at school last year so I know everything there is to know about astrology.

OLDER people are biologically predetermined to stop wanting to do fun stuff.

MY card was declined in error and my beloved serving wench witnessed the whole thing.

LIKE Miley says, forget the haters because somebody loves ya.

Dear Holly, The other day I got involved in an exchange of  words with a taxi driver and only later did I think of something funny  to say, but by then it was too late.

DID you know that a glitter pen makes an excellent lipstick for a dog?

NEVER grass on your mates or tell anyone that you play recorder duets with your mum.

YOUR pompous authoritarian ways make you a prime candidate for ridicule.