Animals Headlines

A NEW study of Orangutans has found they can communicate using complex charades with the traditional "stuck in a glass box" mime clearly signalling "let me out of here you bastards".

SCIENTISTS have combined a mouse with a giant ear on its back and a mouse with spider’s legs to produce a small, cute creature with an inordinate fondness for cheese. 

MOLLY, a tabby cat at a Bournemouth nursing home, has displayed an uncanny ability for identifying elderly racists.

BRITAIN'S flood defences have been undermined by a decade long conspiracy involving some of the country's most influential ducks, the Daily Mash has learned.

BLUE Peter will make its pets fight on screen if viewers don't pay its £50,000 fine for faking a competition result, the show's editor said last night.

SPRINGWATCH badger Gary Degan is a dole cheat who is claiming thousands of pounds in benefits while appearing on the hit television show. 

PRINCE Philip has answered critics of his participation in a fox hunt by eating two cats and a badger.

MIRACLE shark Lorraine Chelsy is a 'skanky liar' who claimed she had a virgin birth to stop her mum going mad at her for getting pregnant, say her friends. 

THE BBC has fired the first shot in the summer ratings war with a new series of the popular reality show Date My Cat.

IN his final salvo of the election campaign Tony Blair has accused SNP leader Alex Salmond of killing the guinea pigs of thousands of Scottish children.