Why not fine my baby too, you pig bastards? Why not criminalise my poor, poor baby?

From the diary of Carrie Johnson, Britain’s First Lady

Join Mash Premium today

Unlimited ad-free access, exclusive stories

£0 first month

  • One Month for Free
  • £3 per month thereafter
Start Trial Now
Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday
privacy

How to cook the perfect romantic meal, with Colin the emotionally unstable chef

There’s no better way to impress a lady than a romantic meal for two. Unless they’re sadistically playing with your feelings like a cat toys with a mouse, before ripping your heart out like some evil succubus from Hell. 

Join Mash Premium today

Unlimited ad-free access, exclusive stories

£0 first month

  • One Month for Free
  • £3 per month thereafter
Start Trial Now