JACK Gardner is convinced Sophie Rodriguez will be up for a threesome solely because she’s bisexual. Will his dreams come true or is he a dickhead?
Jack on Sophie
First impression?
Yeah, definitely attractive and seems nice. But didn’t bring an equally hot mate along, which was weird, and nor did she mention an up-for-it girlfriend or housemate.
How was conversation?
It started off well, but she got tetchy when I asked her how many women she’d slept with and then pressed for details. Minor stuff like what they looked like, how she’d done it, if she liked big butts. Why she was reluctant to discuss it I don’t know. She’s bisexual. She’s at it all the time.
Memorable moments?
It was funny when the waitress said ‘And what would you both like for dessert?’ and I replied, ‘I think we’d share you. ’ Neither of them laughed. I guess they were lost in fevered imaginings of the erotic three-way scenario I’d just concocted.
Favourite thing about Sophie?
Duh. That she’s bisexual. Obviously.
A capsule description?
Enjoys playing hard to get. Not shagging me on the first date has got to be some kind of drawn out sex-game, right? Edging, they call it?
Was there a spark?
For me, there was a spark from the second I found out she likes sex with other ladies. And that was a full week before I met her in real life.
What happened afterwards?
Sophie lingered over the bill chatting with the waitress, which I presumed was her setting up our super hot sexy threesome for later. But she just said ‘Well, nice to meet you, I guess’ and walked off. Leaving me wanting more. Hot.
What would you change about the evening?
The super hot sexy threesome would have happened.
Will you see each other again?
Whenever I call it says ‘This number is unavailable’, which is odd. It’s not like she’ll have blocked me though. She’ll want to keep her options open. That’s the whole thing with bisexuals, right?
Sophie on Jack
First impression?
He’s not as attractive as he looks in his pictures, but I like to let people grow on me so I was ready to give him a chance.
How was conversation?
I stopped being ready to give him a chance. All he talked about was my sexuality. He was obsessed with my previous girlfriends while having zero interest in any of the men I’ve had relationships with. He bristled when I changed the subject.
Memorable moments?
Jack made an unbelievably offensive joke, if you can call it that, and the waitress and I shared a glance that lingered a little. He didn’t notice, of course.
Favourite thing about Josh?
He was amusingly dense. And I loved knowing that his dreams will never be realised.
A capsule description?
A man who deserves nothing but a lifelong relationship with the most vanilla girl imaginable. Who deserves a marriage without blowjobs.
Was there a spark?
Yes, between me and Caitlin the waitress.
What happened afterwards?
I got her number. Oh, with Josh? I blocked his number.
What would you change about the evening?
Nothing, I met someone really lovely. It just wasn’t the bellend I went on the date with.
Will you see each other again?
I hope I’ll haunt his wanks.
