RACHEL Reeves has delivered a tax-raising budget with notable concessions. But are you still confused as to whether you’ll have more cash for alcohol and trainers and whatnot?
Charlotte Phelps, parent: “We’ll be hit hard by VAT on our children’s minor public school fees, but the entitled little shits are unbearable, so boarding school is still cheap at the price.”
Jo Kramer, marketing executive: “Obviously it was piss-easy to calculate whether higher National Insurance will affect my pay rise and cancel out not paying more for petrol and fractionally cheaper alcohol. I am precisely 4.56173p better off. Yay.
Tom Logan, teacher: “I like beer being 1p cheaper. But due to having basic numerical skills I’m not that excited about saving 16p a week. Although if I start drinking 20,000 pints that’s a big saving.”
Roy Hobbs, retired welder: “As a gammon I’m sickened to the core that there’ll only be a modest increase in funding for Remembrance Day events. I think we need a more sensible sum, like £300 billion.”
Josh Hudson, school pupil: “Higher tax on vaping is the moment I’ve been dreading for months. If I can’t afford to look incredibly cool huffing on Mango Fruitburst, how am I ever going to finger Jessica Lewis?”
