THIS government has lurched from crisis to crisis, all because they were distracted by red-headed Labour deputy leader Angela Rayner crossing her legs.
Late lockdowns
The government took Britain into the 2020 lockdown later than most of Europe at the costs of thousands of lives, and then did exactly the same thing again in 2021. Why? Because the whole front bench was agape at the thought of seeing a woman’s parts.
Bad Brexit deal
Listening to a Belgian fart on about trade quotas is tough enough without the vision of Rayner’s cartwheeling legs going through your head like an endless can-can, and what if Hancock’s claim about her knickers is true? Then you find you’ve signed up to an Irish Sea border.
Downing Street redecoration
Johnson’s young wife is prone to jealousy due to certain incidents in his past. So when caught staring into space, debating whether he’d actually glimpsed that promised socialist utopia at PMQs, is it any wonder he denied it and stabbed randomly at a book of wallpaper samples saying ‘that one?’
The cost-of-living crisis
Rishi Sunak is young and unworldly, used more to numbers than a people. He can’t keep his head when an exotic older woman’s flinging her pins about in a crazed carousel of allure. No wonder he completely forgot to hedge against gas rises or manage inflation.
Partygate
The Cabinet contains many red-blooded men, all driven to distraction by Rayner’s teasing displays of sitting and doing politics. It was inevitable they’d get together and compare notes on whether she was doing it deliberately over a few drinks, lockdown rules be damned.
Boris Johnson’s upcoming refusal to resign
Once the Sue Gray report is released, Boris Johnson will have no option but to resign under the ministerial code. But he won’t. He can’t. There’s no way he can walk away from the unfolding Commons seduction of that flame-haired temptress. He’ll have no choice but to stay in office, and it’s all Angela Rayner’s fault.
