FORMER cabinet minister Peter Hain has broken ranks with his Labour colleagues and backed a massive pay increase for police officers.
Mr Hain said rampant inflation was a price worth paying for a happy and prosperous police force that could then devote much more of its time to hobbies and family life.
He added: "They are the best policemen in the history of the world and I think they should have as much money as they want. I do, I really do."
Mr Hain is also expanding his portfolio of think tanks by setting up the Institute for Keeping Me Out of Jail.
"I felt there weren't enough think tanks of the centre-left exploring what a bad idea it would be if I went to jail," he said.
"It's first task will be an in-depth look at how badly I would cope in a variety of prison settings, from open to maximum security.
"It will also examine how inept I would be at bartering with cigarettes and unwanted pieces of toast."
The Institute's early debates will pose the questions: 'Is a Hundred Grand Really a Lot of Money These Days?' and 'Why the Fuck Hasn't Harriet Harman Resigned As Well?'.
Meanwhile a series of seminars will seek to establish exactly how attractive Peter Hain would be to Mr Big and his gang of sex starved maniacs.
