THE chancellor has declared that a new city is to be built following the principles of Osbornism.
The city, which will be constructed by untrained Workfare slaves fuelled only by pride, will be a profit-led paradise in the shape of George Osborne’s heroic profile.
Osborne said: “This incredible project will be built on an extremely desirable tract of sewage floodplain.
And with austerity my steadfast mistress as its guide it will have no street lights, road markings, or police, the citizens relying on the magnificence of the free market to give them whatever they need.”
The city of 150,000 will be dominated by the gleaming silver towers of the elite, with moving walkways that take them to their offices but only go in one direction.
Food is to be consumed intravenously to cut out uneconomic lunch breaks, while manual workers will be painted silver and must pretend to be robots to make social contact with their superiors less embarrassing.
Osborne continued: I did think about calling it Osbornopolis but Im saving that for 2025 when the UKs budget surplus is large enough to purchase New York.
“Or maybe that should be the capital city of Mars? God, this job is hard.”
