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Cameron unveils passing of enormous buck

DAVID Cameron has outlined plans to pass the largest buck in British history.

The prime minister confirmed the government will no longer accept responsibility for an absolutely massive thing that does not work and is never going to work.

To pass the gigantic buck the government will use a 200ft high crane, much like the one that will be positioned next to the entire British motorway network for the next 30 years as the new Custodians of the Buck keep adding lanes in a futile bid to stop 60 million people from going insane.

Speaking next to Junction Bastard on the M4, Mr Cameron said: “When I became prime minister I told the head of the civil service that I would accept responsibility for everything, except roads. I said to him, ‘There’s no way I’m doing roads’.”

Mr Cameron then turned to transport secretary Justine Greening and said: “This has nothing to do with me.”

Ms Greening replied: “It’s nothing to do with me either.”

The pair then laughed and laughed and went back to London in a helicopter.

The buck will be passed in a symbolic ceremony later this year when Mr Cameron will use the government crane to rip out a perfectly good section of the M6 and heave it into a nearby field.

A consortium of French companies will then work out how to take 12 years to put it back while Mr Cameron just walks away with his hand in his pockets.

 

 

Man bored of leading thing that doesn't matter

A MAN who led a thing that doesn’t matter for 10 years has become bored of it.

The man said he was now going to do something more interesting in an organisation that has a point.

The man said: “At first it seemed as if the thing mattered because whenever I said something the newspapers would publish it.

“And, while I am very clever, the only reason they were doing that was because I was the leader of the thing. But we both knew, deep down, that the thing didn’t matter.

“Also, I have a very big office and a rather striking hat, both of which made me feel as if the thing mattered more than it actually did.

“And I got to meet famous people, who were all very kind and would pretend to be impressed with me, even though they probably thought the thing wasn’t very good and that I was wasting my time.

“But I’m quite old now and I want to actually do something that, you know, matters.”

The man is now expected to be replaced by another man who will try to make the thing matter by saying things that will make it matter even less.

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