ROWERS from Oxford University will get to choose the next prime minister after winning a boat race.
The annual sporting event is traditionally used to decide whether the country’s next leader is picked from the ranks of Cambridge or Oxford universities.
An Oxford spokesman said: “We’ll choose the future prime minister later today after we’ve finished getting pissed. You’ll still have to have an election at some point but that’s pretty much a formality.
“We’ve got three or four alumni who are sufficiently inoffensive. There’s one guy called Clive, he’s as thick as pigshit but everyone likes him because he has unusually baggy trousers and a pet cockerel called Ted, he’ll probably do.
“Ten years from now you’ll be watching him on telly going ‘There’s no pensions any more, benefits are finished and any music that isn’t Honey G is banned’.
“All because we made a boat go fast.”
