SHADOW chancellor Rachel Reeves has vowed to end to excessive bank profits with an angry poem.
Rejecting claims that Labour’s plan was to do exactly what the Tories have done for 14 years but caringly, Reeves promised that when her poem was finished nothing would ever be the same again.
She said: “This time next year we will be living in a new world, a world where everything is fair and everyone is nice. We will be living in the world of my poem.
“In every politician’s career, there comes a time when she is faced with injustice so great that responding with mere legislation is demeaning for everyone concerned. At times such as these I sit at my writing desk, pick up my pen and lets loose the tiger that stands guard over my soul.
“Would you like to hear it?”
Reeves then declaimed: “Fat greedy piggy and his trough full of money. Oink oink, piggy, your nose is all runny,” before pausing, seemingly awaiting applause.
Keir Starmer stressed the poem was the ‘nuclear option’ after a series of initiatives including writing to the UK’s senior investment bankers and asking them to stop enriching themselves at the expense of everyone else.
He added: “I have also met several of them in person. They told me to get f**ked, but I could tell from the way they said it that they respected my courage.
“Thank goodness we now have the poem.”
