THERE are so many things we could do to ease the cost-of-living crisis that we will not go f**king near. Conservative MP Denys Finch Hatton explains:
VAT decrease
VAT has gone up three times in 40 years, from eight per cent to 20 per cent, and I’m proud to say every single one of those rises has been under the Tories. Slashing it in half would cancel out inflation entirely. But we won’t do that and f**k you for asking.
Nationalise an energy company
Private energy companies are going bust all over the place. We could nationalise one, put the full weight of the government behind it, get energy cheaper and sell it to our citizens at zero profit. And kiss my whole arse if you think we’re going to. We’ll bail out their shareholders instead.
Increase benefits
Unemployment has never been lower, so the number of people on benefits is negligible. We could recognise that those out-of-work now are largely unable to improve their situation and help the most vulnerable. Bollocks to that. We’d rather tens of thousands more were unemployed. If it was good enough for Thatcher.
Windfall tax on energy companies
It’s unfortunately been noticed that energy companies are enjoying record profits just as they’re charging – entirely unrelated – record prices. We could impose a windfall tax, and it would piss Starmer off most deliciously, but nah. Instead we’ll ask them nicely to invest it in green energy, and they’ll lie.
Go in with the EU
The EU’s not suffering anything like the energy costs we are. We could get together with them, take advantage of collective bargaining, get a better deal for our people. Or, and this is my preferred course, you could suck my dick with that commie shit. We’ve got a good hard Brexit and we’re not diluting it. You can suffer.
Tax on higher earners
Whether it’s the top rate of income tax, capital gains tax or corporation tax, we could raise it, bring cash pouring in and use that money to help those struggling. And why would we ever do that? Do you know who we are and what we stand for? Exactly. Go f**k yourselves.
