PRESSURISED air-filled balls made of polyurethane panels are the next thing to be banned from World Cup stadiums by the Qatari royal family.

With beer sales set to be prohibited at the tournament, Qatar has gone a step further by getting rid of footballs because they encourage disorderly behaviour amongst fans and players.

Qatari ruler Sheikh Tamim bin Hamad Al Thani said: “I looked over our laws and right near the bottom, just underneath where it says killing migrant workers is okay, it clearly specifies ‘no footballs’. My bad. 

“Thanks for all the money though. Apart from no alcohol, no celebrating, no hugging, no gay people and now no balls, holding the World Cup here was obviously the right thing to do.

“I’m not sure how you’ll fill all those 90-minute fixtures but I’m sure you’ll think of something. You’ve got 48 hours until the first match, which is ages. Maybe all the players could race each other? That’ll kill some time.

“We’re not unreasonable. Fans can still have a kickabout in their hotel rooms so long as they have a special permit. Perhaps that could be the real competition? I don’t know, I’m just throwing out ideas here. Chime in if you think of something better.”

England fan Wayne Hayes said: “I still reckon Southgate’s squad can go all the way. No ball just means we won’t let any goals in.”