THE government has outlined plans to teach every teenager maths so we never again have anyone as innumerate as Liz Truss in our country.
The prime minister will today announce that all pupils will learn maths up to 18 to ensure that even the lowliest arts worker is not so blind to numbers they crash the economy in 38 days in office.
Sunak said: “We have allowed Britain to become a nation of mathematical illiterates. And we have all suffered the disastrous consequences.
“Any ten-year-old should have known that cutting taxes and increasing borrowing in an inflation crisis would spark an economic death spiral. But because there’s no shame at being ‘bad at maths’ in this country, a 47-year-old professional woman had no idea.
“Our nation was run by people who, quite simply, could not add up. It cost the nation £35 billion, which, though you may be too ill-educated to realise it, is quite a lot of money.
“So from now on everyone must learn maths. Everyone will be tutored in the basics of calculation and taught that numbers do not behave just as you want them to, even if you are impeccably right-wing and high on your own bullshit.”
Susan Traherne of Hereford said: “If you’re so good at maths, how come you’re planning for years ahead when you’re 16 points behind in the polls?”
