THE UK has realised that it can only hold seven ongoing Tory scandals in its mind at once, so is forgetting at least another seven.
Voters who can remember Partygate have forgotten about PPE fraud, or those who recall Rishi Sunak’s green card can no longer sum up what this Rwanda thing is.
A Downing Street spokesman said: “Your short-term memory is limited. Our capacity for scandal is infinite.
“Just this weekend, when a Tory defended another Tory who’s been convicted of child abuse, you completely forgot about a KGB agent’s son joining the House of Lords.
“That despicable prick Andrew Bridgen lied under oath? Whoops, you’ve got no recollection of why fuel prices are so high. It just seems normal to you. You’re still too f**ked off about Sir Gavin f**king Williamson. See?
“Next week Priti Patel runs over a swan, Jacob Rees-Mogg claims to be the risen Christ, and Russia releases footage of Boris chopping lines with Rishi in Putin’s Swiss dacha. You’ll be like ‘inflation? Whassat?’”
Red Wall voter Ryan Whittaker said: “It is true that I’ve forgotten more Tory scandals than I remember. But it is fixed in my mind that I hate the twats.”