A DELIGHTED Tory party has been reminded by a narrow win and a Labour-Lib Dem split of how they clung onto power back in 1992.
Thrilled Conservatives are remembering how, more than three decades ago in the middle of a recession and led by a charisma-free prime minister, they scraped an election win and kept themselves in power for another five dreadful years.
Party chairman Greg Hands said: “Massively unpopular? Yes. Bollocksed the economy? Yes. But Uxbridge shows the way.
“Voters are a gullible, credulous lot. We’ll fight on local issues, half of which we’ve made up, half of which blame our own policies on the opposition, and all of which are easily disproven lies. And we’ll win.
“Another half-decade in power without any policies except disastrous privatisations? Beset by scandal on every side? At war with ourselves while Britain goes to shit? Don’t mind if we f**king do.
“We’d almost forgotten, in our disarray, that this country votes Tory by default. We’ll cling onto power even if it ruins us and everything else. The 90s revival is on.”
Ordinary voter Jim Bates said: “The man said if Labour win they’ll come to our houses and take our cars. I need my car for work.”
