EVER thought that your boss doesn’t seem to know very much? That could be you. Use these vacuous, empty lines and win promotion:
‘Let’s be data-driven’
Works in any context and can never be proven wrong, unless while answering a marriage proposal. Guaranteed to get people nodding slowly while thinking, ‘Wow, did Tom used to be a consultant?’
‘Will this solution be scaleable?’
Stops everyone in their tracks to nod, heads tilted wisely to one side, none of them really sure what it means but nobody wanting to be the first to say it. You sit back smugly.
‘Cross-silo communication is key’
Silos are for missiles or grain, but everyone’s keen on communication in theory while ignoring emails in practice. So about as original as reminding people to wear underpants, yet people will still nod sagely and think, ‘this person is CEO material.’
‘We need to streamline a process journey’
No you f**king don’t. You just do the thing that needs doing and let us all get on with our lives. But is anyone really going to stand up in a meeting and say that they’re against streamlining a process journey? People will think they’re not strategic. When you meet the boss later, get them fired.
‘How can we make this interactive sticky?’
The Omega-level bullshit line for when you’re hungover in a meeting and haven’t prepared one iota. Then say ‘let’s lay this open, there are no bad ideas’ and sit back in silence while gesturing expansively at every other poor sod in the meeting. They’ll promote you just to break the silence.
