'Find a job you love!' says twat with money

A RICH twat believes that anyone with a job they dislike should quit and do something they love instead, because she could.

Emma Bradford, who has an income of £160,000 a year from investments, is perplexed as to why anyone would do a job they hate, especially if it is low-paid.

She said: “Why do people do these terrible, soul-destroying jobs? I always tell them, ‘Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life!’

“As my Instagram captions say, life is just too short not to pursue creativity and passion. If you don’t leap out of bed every Monday morning, why do a job? Mere money isn’t enough.

“I think that’s why I’m an interiors stylist and my friend Sophie persists in her dreadful job in IT.”

Friend Sophie Muir said: “Doing a job you love would be great, but I’ve always felt being in debt, facing eviction and having the electric cut off might blunt the edge of the fun.

“Plus what brings me joy in life is lying on my sofa and eating Toblerones. I don’t think you can get paid for that.”

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How to be the most annoying person in your office while working from home

WORKING from home doesn’t mean abandoning years of interdesk warfare with colleagues. Here’s how to f**k shit up remotely:

Share an office playlist

Fancy yourself as both inspirational teambuilder and DJ? A 266-song Spotify playlist called ‘Mel’s Hard Work Mix!’ which you insist everyone use will build hate, and dominating meetings by being offended nobody liked Roxette will have everyone muting your window on Teams.

Repulse people with your food

Sadly the malodorous tang of your smoked fish lunch or breakfast burrito is for you alone, but still make everyone watch and hear you eat. Crisps for phone calls and meat to suck off the bone for afternoon meetings.

Suggest you all meet up

When separated it’s easy for teams to feel disconnected. Which is the optimal outcome for a normal office worker – and if you suggest an end to this cosy new reality by meeting up for ‘a Rule of Six-friendly beer’, or even Zoom drinks they’ll sincerely hate you for it.

Be you

The line between home and work has been forever blurred, so why not air dirty washing in public during your next video call, fully visible on the drying rack next to you? Also, shout incomprehensible things like ‘Well turn off the summon mob generator’s repeat loop then Ashley!’ to unseen kids.

Really care about your work

The nation is low on energy and hope, so the most annoying gifts you can give are positivity and enthusiasm. Schedule early calls and start late email chains. Propose whole new projects. The more you give your all, the less anyone will be able to stand you.

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