Dear Cratchit,
The HR department has received your missive requesting an increase in your salary. At Christmas, no less.
You say this is due to double-digit inflation caused by the Crimean War and the continued financial fallout following the United States’ exit from the Empire. To which I say ‘Humbug’.
Yes, Yankee-sceptic the Duke of Wellington used the side of a horse-drawn omnibus to widely advertise the 350 guineas we send to the colonies each week which could be used to establish boards of health instead.
Unfortunately the subsequent collapse of British industry has levied severe fiscal pressure on our core business here at Scrooge and Marley.
It had been hoped a trade deal to export woollen broadcloth to Prussia negotiated by Whig MP Jacob Rees-Mogg the First would help stabilise the economy, but the discovery that Prussia has its own thriving wollen broadcloth manufacturers was foreseen by no-one save a few malcontents in the newspapers.
The recent outbreak of cholera and the subsequent lockdowns have also had a detrimental effect on the business, necessitating the purchase of large amounts of leeches from Mone Apothecaries which turned out to be mere flatworms.
As a result of these misfortunes, none of which for we can be considered in any way culpable, your request for an extra penny a fortnight has been summarily rejected.
Furthermore, to build a buccaneering Scrooge & Marley Ltd, we will be cancelling all work-from-hovel rights with immediate effect and requiring our sole employee – you – to work long hours at high intensity while seated at a high desk writing in a ledger.
Yours, E Scrooge Esq
