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Woman who survived summer without must-have clothing also planning to soldier on through winter

A WOMAN who survived summer without ‘must-have’ items of clothing also plans to brave the winter with clothes she already owns.

Despite receiving several urgent emails from clothing companies alerting her to this season’s vital items, office manager Emma Bradford has chosen to ignore official advice.

She said: “I’ve got enough clothes for the rest of my life. Each year’s styles are quite similar anyway, because humans have one basic shape with arms, legs and a head.”

Sister Nikki Hollis said: “She just about survived spring without the recommended florals, but winter is a whole other ball game.

“I’m scared that without this season’s mandatory checked skirts and leopard print coats she’s just going to freeze to death in her home, and in an outdated outfit.”

A Zara spokesman said: “We recommend she takes the necessary steps to get her wardrobe up to scratch or, failing that, stays away from windows, public areas and anywhere else she might be visible to other humans.”

Which superstitions are bollocks?

WHICH superstitions are bollocks, and which might cause you to die?

With so many myths about things that are lucky or unlucky, it can be hard to keep track of which superstitions are genuinely worth worrying about. Find out with this simple guide.

Opening an umbrella indoors  – bollocks 

Just a way for control freaks to get their demented thrills. After telling you not to open your brolly, they make you take your shoes off at the door and only let you use the downstairs toilet. 

Black cat crossing your path  – total bollocks 

Black cats like to think they’re ethereal beasts from another dimension, but underneath it all they’re just insecure attention seekers, like Springer Spaniels but worse. 

Seeing a single Magpie – not bollocks

Women with crystals, dream catchers and cabinets full of rum have confirmed that seeing a single magpie is unlucky. This is also confirmed by a man from Swindon called Chicken Dave who can talk to cows. If you see a magpie, you will die. 

Walking under a ladder –  not bollocks

Even men who own BMWs don’t walk under ladders. That’s how unlucky ladders are.

Friday the 13th is unlucky – absolute bullshit 

A myth perpetuated by horror film fans who smell of pizza and unwashed pyjamas. It’s a ruse to take the day off work and watch Paranormal Activity again, whilst eating Honey Nut Cornflakes with their hands. 

Lucky pants – not bollocks 

If you had a successful job interview wearing a pair of old Donnay ‘tanga pants’ that smell of wet feathers then something must be intervening on your behalf.

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