CHILDREN aren’t the only ones who have it tough, in fact us poor Millennials deserve your donations more. Here’s why.
Have you seen the price of anything lately?
A small tin of beans is £1.20. Two pints of milk push two quid. No wonder the birth rate is in decline if we can’t afford the basics. If older people want grandkids and younger people want to keep using us as an easy punching bag, they should dig deep every year with a big song and dance charity event. The mascot could be Pudsey living in his childhood bedroom.
You’ve all been really mean to us
It hasn’t escaped our attention that every other generation has been incredibly nasty to Millennials. For too long we’ve endured article after article claiming that we’ve killed everything from breakfast cereal to wine corks, and now Gen Z are having a go at our skinny jeans and side partings. A hundred grand in reparations to every Millennial is all it takes to make the pain go away though.
Wages have been stagnant since 2008
Just as huge swathes of us Millennials stumbled into the workforce with the useless degrees we were coerced into getting, the economy fell on its arse and hasn’t ever recovered. We white-knuckled it through years of austerity hoping that things would turn around, but then along came the pandemic and the threat of AI. Compared to some kids with their whole lives ahead of them, we’re much more in need of your cash.
I want to buy a house
Or at the very least a flat. And if my parents are too tight and poor to stump up the deposit then the public will have to help. I could organise an annual event where you feel guilt tripped into making yourself look like a tit for charity, or you could save yourself the hassle and just PayPal some funds directly into my account. Choice is yours.
We’re essentially children anyway
Older Millennials may be in their forties, but they’re only adults physically. As a generation we still cling onto symbols of our youth like Pokemon, Harry Potter and Friends because we haven’t matured mentally, which is much more depressing than a short film about Barnardo’s wedged between some light entertainment when you think about it.
