AN irredeemable bastard has yet to realise that the reason he has fond memories of school is because he bullied everyone else.
Jack Browne, a personal trainer who enjoys nights out with the lads and fighting in pub car parks, regularly recounts stories from his secondary school years that are not drenched in anxiety and misery.
Browne said: “School was great. I never know what people are talking about when they say they had a miserable time. I had such a laugh with the other kids, giving them noogies and playfully threatening to kick their heads in.
“I had loads of friends, I was captain of the football team and teachers loved me. Can’t wait for the ten year reunion next year. I expect I’ll jokingly attempt to push someone out of a window, like in the good old days.”
James Bates, who was in the same class as Jack from Years 7 to 11, said: “Jack was a massive bellend. He used to pin me down and fart in my face. I still can’t look at a school tie without having flashbacks.”
Browne said: “James who? I don’t remember the guy, unfortunately. Wish him well, though. Is he still fat?”
